My Demon Lover
by Beer Good
Summary: Formerly 'The Hows And Whys of Cluffyness'. At the end of season 6, Buffy turns to the friendliest demon in town for comfort. Soon their friendship deepens, and it becomes clear that Buffy's true love isn't Angel or Spike but... Clem.
1. Chapter 1

**My Demon Lover – Chapter 1**

_Prologue_

Dawn almost seemed giddy with excitement as they entered Rack's lair. "Yay, Clem, making with the demon senses! I knew you could find this place!"

"It's not very clean." He looked around with dismay, his long ears wagging slightly with anxiety.

Dawn rolled her eyes, still not seeing the seriousness of her situation. "Don't wig out on me again."

"It's just... I'm still not so sure you should be here. I'm not so sure _I_ should be here..."

"It'll only take a minute. Come on." Dawn walked towards the door, then turned back to see Clem frozen to the spot. "You wanna wait here?"

"If that works for you..."

"Be right back." She shot him a look that spoke "Coward!" just as loud as if she had actually said it and went through the door, closing it behind her.

For a few seconds, Clem hesitated. But no more. This was bad news, and there was no way he was going to let Dawn get hurt. Not with the Magic Box just around the corner. He turned around and ran back into the night.

* * *

_Three days later_

Buffy paused outside the door to the crypt. Over the last couple of years, she had gotten used to just kicking it open, storming inside and getting what she wanted, whether that was information or... right, focus. Spike was gone, and that was probably for the best; she had enough to deal with right now. She raised her hand and knocked.

"Come on in!"

With a slight frown, she pushed the door open. Clem was sitting in the comfy chair watching TV, and looked up with a cheerful smile when he saw her. "Oh, hey Buffy!" He hit the mute button.

"You know", she nodded towards the door, "you probably shouldn't be so come-in-y when you live in a Sunnydale graveyard."

"Aw, you're probably right. I just figure anyone nice enough to knock can't be that dangerous. Here, have a seat. Can I get you anything? Chips, popcorn, cat... uh, coke?" He got up from the chair, carefully brushing some crumbs off the seat before he offered it to her. She hadn't planned on staying long, but she was tired and her body plunked down in the chair before her brain had time to debate the matter. Clem, realizing she wasn't going to ask for any snacks, sat down on a stool in front of her with a concerned look on his face. "So how... you know, how is everything?"

Buffy just shook her head. "We..." She cleared her throat when her voice almost broke. "We just got back from the airport. Giles and Willow are on their way to England. God, I've never seen her like... She's..." The last two days had been hell for all of them. The idea of Tara being gone forever still hadn't had time to sink in properly, everyone had been busy tiptoeing around Willow who had been next to catatonic, refusing to eat, talk, get out of bed or even look at anyone. "It's like she's not even there anymore. Like she got broken and all the Willow inside just ran out. She was my best friend and now I'm not sure if I'll ever get to see her again. Or God, if I even _want_ to."

"Of course you do..."

"She tried to destroy the world, Clem. And she tried to kill Dawn, me and Giles with her own hands. Even if we can forgive her for that, I'm not sure she can ever forgive herself..." Buffy certainly had not planned on letting it all out in front of Clem. Maybe it was the familiarity of the crypt, or the feeling that everything had already been as bad as it could possibly be, or simply his completely non-threatening kindness, but she felt safe here. And as he handed her a napkin ("KFC" in large red letters becoming almost illegible as she blew her nose in it) she realized she was crying. "I'm sorry, it's just... this whole year has been... with me, and Spike, and Xander and Anya, and Willow and... and Tara... it's all been so much, and... I couldn't stop any of it..." She wiped her eyes with the soaking napkin, a little awkward, and looked up at him. "Thank you."

"Oh, don't sweat it, I've got lots of napkins."

"No, I mean... for the other night. That's why I came here. To thank you."

Clem looked embarrassed and scratched one of his ears. "Oh, it was nothing, I..."

"Nothing schmothing. If you hadn't come running to me after Dawn went to Rack's, God knows what Willow might have done to her. That took guts, Clem, a demon searching out the Slayer to tell her something that might piss her off... You may have saved Dawn's life. Which means you saved Willow's life. I owe you for that, and I won't forget it."

He gave her an uncertain smile and grabbed the flab around his stomach. "Well, I guess it's a good thing all these guts finally earned their keep... Do you really think Willow would have hurt Dawn?"

"Thanks to you, we'll never know." They sat silently for a while, Buffy cleaning herself up with another napkin and Clem fidgeting with the remote control as if there was something he was trying to figure out how to say. After a while Buffy stood up. "I guess I better get back to Dawn, she's seriously needy right now. Um... look, Clem, Tara's funeral is tomorrow, if you want to... it's just going to be her friends, Xander talked to her father and he pretty much said that as far as he was concerned he didn't have a daughter. So, you know, if you want to, you're more than welcome to attend."

"Uh..." He shifted uncomfortably, which caused his skin to wobble back and forth in several places."Don't take this the wrong way, I really liked Tara and it's super nice of you to ask, but me and funerals, we just don't... go together, you know? And I know that sounds funny coming from someone who lives in the graveyard, but... when it's someone I knew, I..."

"Sure", Buffy quickly covered, "I mean, no pressure. I just wanted you to know, if you change your mind..."

"I'll think about it." He smiled, his little red eyes showing heartfelt gratitude and sympathy. "Tell the others I'm really sorry about everything."

"Will do." Buffy nodded and shuffled her feet for a few seconds before quickly opening the door. "See ya."

Not until she got outside did she realize how cozy and warm the crypt had been. The moon was up and an uncharacteristically cold wind blew among the tombstones. From inside she heard the TV come back on – Clem was watching "Casablanca" – and she was surprised herself when her first instinct was to go back inside. Instead she shoved her hands in her pockets and walked home with Humphrey Bogart's voice fading away behind her.

_"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship..."_


	2. Chapter 2

**My Demon Lover – Chapter 2**

Buffy grabbed the vamp by his jacket as he charged, letting his momentum carry him forward as she flipped him and sent him flying into the side a tombstone. He stumbled to his feet and she slammed the stake into his chest before he had time to realize what was happening.

There were no quips tonight, no cute one-liners. Working through the graveyard on her first proper patrol in a week, Buffy would have made Gwendolyn Post proud; she took each vamp (and there were quite a few) down hard and efficient, as if by killing a bunch of vampires barely out of their caskets she could somehow make up for the past year. She kicked the last one – an old woman dressed in a hideous flower-print dress that made Buffy feel like she was fighting the kitchen drapes – so hard she snapped the vampire's neck, then staked it as it tried in vain to get up. She spun to the right and spun to the left, searching for more  
"COME ON!"  
but apart from a few small piles of dust the churchyard was vampire-free. Frustrated, she threw the stake into one of the trees, where it was wedged – THUCK – three inches deep in the trunk, and then she started home.

As she walked by Sp... Clem's crypt she noticed the light was on, and when she realized she was trying to come up with a good enough reason to knock, she took that as a good enough reason to knock.

"It's open!" Clem was over by the casket that served as a kitchen counter preparing a bowl of dip, and when he saw who it was his face lit up with a big grin. She shot him a mock-stern look as she stepped inside, causing him to look puzzled for a few seconds before slapping his forehead. "Right! Check who's at the door first before inviting people in. I'll remember next time, promise."

"See that you do. I've been to enough funerals this week." She sat down in the comfy chair and he sat down next to her, as he had three nights ago.

"So how was it? I wish I could have been there, it's just... you know... wiccas, demons, not always the best combination."

"It's OK, I understand. It was... I guess it was nice, though. I've never been to a Wiccan... uh, anything before. They really like their goddesses." She sighed. "I just kept thinking there were all these people there – us, people from the university, some witchy girls I never even saw before... and the one person who should have been there wasn't. It felt like we were punishing both of them, as if we couldn't get Willow out of the country fast enough so she didn't even get to go to Tara's funeral. And so then when it was over, it was... over. We didn't do it right and now we'll never get another chance. Actually, that's probably the title of my autobiography right there", she added with a sardonic grin, realizing she'd been thinking out loud. "I'm sorry, Clem, I don't mean to be Depress-O-Girl whenever I'm here. I'm sure you've got better stuff to do than listen to me whine, I should probably get going..."

"Oh, no, please, don't leave on my account." Clem jumped to his feet, then awkwardly sat down again, gesturing towards the TV set. "I was going to make it a quiet night anyway, I just got the collector's edition DVD of _Thelma And Louise_ and I was going to watch that... but, you know, if you want to talk, my ears can take a lot of bending."

Buffy smiled at him. "You're sweet, Clem. Really, though, I shouldn't..." She picked up the DVD case and looked at it, throwing a quick glance to her watch. "You know, I haven't seen this in years, not since Mom... do you mind if we watch it together?"

"Oh, not at all", he beamed. "You just make yourself comfortable and I'll rustle us up some snacks."

Buffy watched with amusement as the large demon fussed about with bowls of chips and popcorn before settling down to pop the disc into the player. They watched the movie in comfortable silence, a few comments about Geena Davis' hairstyle aside. About halfway into the movie Clem noticed she had fallen asleep and turned the volume down and fetched a blanket to drape over her.

As he tucked her in, he couldn't help but take a long look at her, the slight crinkle on her brow, the way the candlelight danced across her worried face, the way the corners of her mouth would twitch as if she couldn't relax even in her sleep... He remembered telling Spike the Slayer had issues. No kidding. She was physically strong enough to snap him in two, but seeing her like this, she just looked way too small to have to deal with all of this by herself. He remembered the first time he'd met her, at a poker game almost a year ago; she had seemed so happy – of course, she had also seemed very very drunk, to the point that he'd wondered if he should really let her leave with Spike. Since then, he couldn't think of a single time when she had seemed that carefree again. There always seemed to be a black cloud hanging over her. It wasn't right. She deserved to be happy.

And it occurred to him that what he wanted most of all was to make her happy. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time, not since... A couple of the glands he had instead of a heart did little backflips, even though he knew it was pointless. What would a Slayer want with a pudgy demon with enough skin for two? Clem sighed deeply as he gently brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes, letting his fingers linger on her cheek for just a second. Then he sat back down on his stool and kept watching the movie.

* * *

"Spike, NO!" An hour later she woke with a start and sat up straight in the chair, panting, the blanket falling to the floor as she whipped her head around like a trapped animal, still half inside her nightmare. When Clem got up, concerned, and moved towards her she shrunk back as if she were terrified of him... then she seemed to become aware of where she was and hid her face in her hands, sobs wracking her body. Clem awkwardly patted her on the shoulder, half-expecting her to pull back again; instead she leaned into him, burying her face in his shirt as she let go of everything. He did the only thing he could, put his flubbery arms around her and held her until the tears and the shaking subsided. 

Eventually she calmed down and let go of him. "Thank you, Clem... Sorry for making a mess of your shirt. I guess Harvey Keitel just gives me nightmares, huh?"

Clem thought back to the last time he'd seen Spike before he left Sunnydale (_What have I done? Why didn't I do it? What has she done to me?_) and cursed himself for being so naïve. "Buffy, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm no fool. Spike did something to you, didn't he?"

Buffy hesitated before nodding. "H-he tried. I stopped him. For all the good it..." She laughed, but there was no joy in it; a sad chuckle of self-loathing. "I couldn't stop Warren or Willow or anything that actually mattered, but hey, at least I saved myself from screwing Spike one more time. Like that would have made a big difference. I'm such a sorry excuse for-"

"Oh STOP it already!" Clem was surprised himself when he interrupted her. "You keep saying you're sorry for everything that's not your fault! You're a Slayer, Buffy, your job is to kill guys who look like me, not save every single person on the face of the Earth; no one can do that. Life really sucks sometimes, bad things happen and most people take that as an excuse to give up. But you keep trying. And in my book at least, that makes you anything but sorry. It makes you one hell of a woman."

She looked at him and smiled through her tears. "You know, Riley told me that once."

"Then maybe he has more sense than Sp... than some people give him credit for."

This time they were both surprised when she raised her head and kissed his cheek. Clem's ears flapped on their own, which Buffy was starting to realize was his version of blushing. "You know..." She gestured at his DVD collection, heavily featuring Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks. "All these people seem to wrap everything up and get a happy ending in two hours. Why can't life ever be that easy? Why can't we just meet someone who's perfect for us and live happily ever after?"

She fell asleep again like that, curled up in his arms.


End file.
